Bittersweet Love Next 5 chapters
by WhoIamInWords11
Summary: Continuation of first 2.


**Danielle**

Jaz gave me the day off to spend some time with Tom. It's not like we haven't seen each other since that night, we just haven't got personal time. Personal time or not, I still feel bad for leaving her alone for a few hours.

"Babe, you're sure you 'talked' to Micheal right?" I asked, looking above into the clouds from where we sat on the terrace.

"Yeah," he said thoughtfully. "Why?" he asked.

"No reason I suppose. Just don't want her to have anything to worry about," I told him. "She has enough as it is."

"I'm sure she won't have to see the likes of him ever again. He doesn't have the guts to show his face in school," he said, smiling to himself. I could tell he was pleased. "So about that engagement babe."

I smiled. "That's what that was?" I asked, trying to seem elusive and oblivious.

He laughed. "Come on honey. You don't have to pretend."

I giggled. "Well it was fun while it lasted. I just… I'm sorry for what I did," I told him, all serious now.

"No babe, I should've known you would. It's only your personality. Part of what I love so much," he said, nuzzling his head in my shoulder.

I smiled to myself.

"Point is I want to spend the rest of my life with you Jasmine."

I took his chin in my hands and pulled his face up to mine. "I want you to do it your way Tom. The way you planned," I told him. "It kind of seemed really important to you. I only want it the way you do. Ok?"

He smiled up and me and kissed me sweetly. "Ok babe. It's a deal."

It's the personality I've had ever since I can remember. I've always been assertive and full of questions. At the same time I'm one to put someone else's' future and welfare ahead of my own. Even if it means not getting my way. I'm all about sharing.

"Are you sure that's what you want?" he asked, taking my hand into his. I laid pack on the picnic blanket and looked at the clouds again.

I felt the cool air around me and ruffling through my hair. "Babe, I want what you want," I told him. He smiled.

He leaned against the railing and pulled me close to him. "I love you sweetheart," he whispered to me. I sat silent for a moment and felt his chest rise and fall, then listened to the calmness of his heartbeat. We remained like that, practically etched in stone, before I spoke again. "I love you to Tommy. You are my knight in shining armor again and again. My prince," I whispered to his neck. I looked up at him and studied his features. I meant what I said. He'd been everything I needed through and through.

They say god creates one person for each and every one of us to belong to. One person for us to spend our lives with. I'm more than certain Tom is that guy. He knows me better than I know myself, and yet, he still loves me for just that reason.

We didn't have much time together but I didn't care to move. Neither of us did. We spent the rest of our time together watching the clouds and just laying there together in silence. We didn't need to do anything else. I'd take a day just quietly laying there with Tom than do anything else. Any day.

**Jasmine**

As I laid in my bed and thought, I could feel my eyes drooping more and more. Suddenly I realized now how little sleep I've really been getting lately, and I got comfortable in my bed.

I figured I had some time to sleep before D and mom got home. Both of them are predictable and very likely to tell me all about their dates. Sometimes intimate details included. I couldn't be properly grossed out if I wasn't fully awake. Then again I'm not all that interesting to talk to if I'm half asleep. Either way it's a double-edged sword.

Before I knew it my thoughts had transformed into dreams and I was dead asleep. I woke up to D shaking me. "Jaz wake up!" she whispered.

"Huh?" I said wiping sleep from my eyes and sitting up." She sat down on the bed in front of me. "Hey D! How long have I been asleep," I asked her.

"Well I got home at five. It's 9:15 now," she said. "You were asleep when I got home. I figured I'd let you sleep for a few hours." Danielle had always called my house her home. Just like I do when I stay at her house for a long period of time. We've spent so much time with each other that our parents stopped restricting our sleepovers to weekends and for only one night. Now we can stay at each other's house whenever and for as long as we want, and the best part is we'll be right 'at home.' What's mine is hers and what's hers is mine. It's how we've worked it for a long time. My house is her home and her house is my home. Whenever we decided we need it.

I glanced at the clock. "9:15! Geez D. I fell asleep at 2, you should've woke me up when you got home."

"Wow, sorry it's been a long day. Besides I know you haven't been sleeping. You've just been pretending you are. I was going to let you sleep for a few hours, undisturbed," she said yawning. Recomposing her face she continued. "So how was your day?"

I searched for the answer. I couldn't tell her what I had done today, or hint even. It was just a lecture waiting to happen. "It wasn't too bad I suppose," I finally managed.

"You guess?"

"Yeah, you know me. I'm never too sure about anything really," I said, chuckling to myself. "So is mom back yet?" I asked, curiously.

"Oh! Yeah she is. She wants to see you by the way," she said. "That's why I came back here to wake you up."

"Oh, ok." I wanted to talk to D more, to find out how her day with Tom went, but I figured mom needed to tell me something important. I decided I could wait to talk to her about today's escapades anyways. It's always good having a delay on that.

"Hey," she said as I got up to leave." I'll be here when you get back. We can talk about today then," she said, reading my mind.

"Ok. We'll talk then," I promised, closing the door behind me.

* * *

My hands shook as I walked down the hallway.

'_Did she know? How could she?_' I argued with myself. '_I didn't actually do anything today. I just went to the post office. Normal people do that.'_ I was slightly paranoid that she knew about my charades today. But there was no way she could.

"Hey ma," I practically whispered to myself when I reached her doorway. "You told D you wanted to see me?" I asked, audible now.

She turned to look at me, a smile playing on her lips. "Sure did," she grinned. "Why don't you come join me on the bed?" She asked, sitting down and patting the empty spot next to her.

I began to move then hesitated. I was speechless. '_Did I really just see her finger glimmer in the light?' _I thought to myself. She scratched her head.

There it was again! I gasped. For the third time the light just barely reflected off a new piece of jewelry she had on her left hand.

I wracked my brain. '_Which side do engagement rings go one?'_ I looked at my hands turning them over, looking for the answer, even though it was very clearly there on my mom's left ring finger. I prayed that it wasn't as I feared.

Silence filled the room. I took a deep breath. I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose, willing the ring to disappear and never come back. Just willing it to be anything but…

I couldn't even finish the thought.

"Mom," I sighed, controlling my tone. "_Please_ tell me that is a 'friendship' ring," I begged.

She laughed. My body tensed. This was _just_ what I needed. "Isn't it beautiful?" She grinned, adoration ringing in her voice.

I opened one eye. The ring _couldn't_ possibly be any bigger than half a karat. Unless he used her money. The thought made me want to punch a hole in the wall. It sounded like just the thing Kyle would do. Leave it him to even make an engagement about money. Leave it to him to further intrude on my life.

"Mom you didn't!" I whispered harshly, realization sinking in.

"Do what Jaz?" she asked innocently. It only made me angrier. "What's your problem?"

"Mom, you _can't_ get married. That's not fair!" I said, raising my voice. "Ju-just take it back. Take it back mom!"

"Take it back?" she asked, still unaware of the raging war inside myself. She really didn't know.

I was getting more and more frustrated. She was _not_ getting it. She was not getting that it's a mistake to marry a gold digger. The whole stupid deal was a mistake. For the longest time I found my mother to be the smartest person I have ever known. The woman went through college to be a _very_ successful realtor _while_ she was a single mother and raised me. Then the day she brought Kyle home her intelligence rate, in my book, went way down. This just added to it. "Mom! Tell him it was a mistake! Lie to him! Do something! Mom you should've asked me first!" I yelled at her now.

I was so upset I could feel the hot wet tears run down my cheeks. I touched my hand to my cheek. I felt like the biggest idiot for crying, but I was really upset. It did involve me to!

Her face twisted into anger at my last words. "Asked you?! Excuse me for thinking he was asking me. Next time I'll tell him to run things by you when he wants to go out. Is that alright?!" she yelled back. She sucked in air. "We did _not_ switch roles Jasmine. This is not opposite. You are _not_ the mom and you don't get to make decisions for me!" her voice was raising. I'd really done it now, but I didn't even care. It _did_ affect me. Believe it or not.

I moved closer to her. "I _cannot_ even believe you! It doesn't affect me? Mom that would make him part of _my_ life too! Hello! Half the time he doesn't even know which is mother or daughter. Why don't you try explaining to _him_ that it's not opposite day.

Don't you give me that, 'it's not my choice' crap! You just don't even know! One minute he's all over you, then he'll come in my room like he wants something. I am part of your life. So yeah, I'd say it damn-well does involve me!" I yelled, trying to keep my fists in. I wanted with everything to hit something. I wished he was around so I could knock him around a bit, but I was sure I'd only be hurting my mom more.

Part of me felt bad for yelling at my mom like this. After everything, _none_ of this was what either of us needed. But she jumped the gun. She made a decision like I wasn't even a part of her life. That hurt me too. What was worse was that she wasn't even understanding that. She wasn't getting that I was hurting from this decision as much as she was hurting that I was yelling at her for it.

Then her next words made me forget every bit of remorse I felt for yelling: "You're just jealous," she mumbled to herself. It wasn't meant for me to hear but I did anyways.

I edged closer to her and cocked my hand. Anger was just radiating off me in waves. I was shaking. "_Excuse me?_" I asked, letting the anger seep through in my voice. "_Jealous?_" I could _not_ believe she said that to me.

"I didn't mean to say that," she whispered sheepishly, trying to take it back.

"Oh yeah ya did! God mom! You're _so_ right! _I_ want to marry a creep. Or better yet mom, I'm jealous that you're marrying the prime of all American men and my _stupid_ boyfriend turned out to be a rapist!" I stomped to the door, rage in the air around me. I no longer felt bad for yelling. I raised my voice more. "God mom you couldn't be any further off if you tried! It's screwed up now as it is and you _screw_ it up more! You were once the smartest person I knew and then you went and got so stupid. But, whatever! I'm not _even _going to deal with your mess. I'm leaving," I yelled stomping out her door. "I'll be back when you're done being stupid!" I yelled over my shoulder.

I wasn't sure where I was going or for how long I was _really _going to be gone, and quite honestly I didn't care. I had so much on my plate right now; I didn't need her adding her bit. All I knew was that I had to get out for a while. I had a list of stuff going wrong and it was getting pretty lengthy.

**Danielle**

I was lying on Jasmine's bed holding an open magazine. It was _seventeen_ I think but I wasn't really reading, just seeing. I had other things on my mind, and reading was not one of them.

For instance Tom was one thing I was thinking about, but mainly Jaz held my attention and took up most of my thoughts. I was worried about her.

When I got back I let her sleep. I didn't know she'd been sleeping for a few hours before that. Seven hours was ridiculous! It was a full night's sleep practically! She's not been sleeping, and I knew that. She needed to get it in gear. Her health is in jeopardy.

Then I instantly felt bad. Things are keeping her from being her normal self. Recent experiences. I can't just expect her to stand up, dust herself off, and keep going on like nothing had happened. She obviously needed healing time and here I was being selfish. Of course I would _never_ tell her my previous thoughts anyway.

Fact of the matter was: He hurt her and scarred her. I've seen Jaz cry before that night. But I'd always identified with her. I'd always known what to say to get it, to get her, to be ok. The thing is I _don't_ know. I don't know what to tell her. I've never been here. I'm just as helpless as she is. I tell her I love her because it's all I _can _say. It's the only thing I'm sure of. But she still hurts and every bit of that emotion from her kills me. We've never been here before.

Then I feel guilty. I _should've_ been there that night, instead of out with Tom. Don't get me wrong; I loved being out with the man of my dreams, but Jaz needed me that night. I had no way of knowing that, but I still felt like it was partly my fault. I should've been there. Micheal wouldn't have been able to ever hurt her. The whole situation could have been avoided.

Then the door slammed open and my attention was averted to her storming in. "Ugh!" she groaned. "Marrying… So stupid!... Leaving," she mumbled, throwing random clothes into her overnight bag.

"Whoa runaway Joe!" I said, sitting up watching her put odd, non-matching clothing into her bag. "Where ya going?" I asked.

"I'm leaving!" she said, not hesitating to empty the entire contents of her dresser into her bag. "I'm just going to go stay at…" she stopped.

I braced myself for tears.

"Well… I don't really know where," she whispered, plopping down on the bed next to me. She ran her thin fingers through her knotted hair, trying to smooth it out as well as possible. In one fluid movement she pulled her hair up into a messy bun. The look fit well with her mood.

She sighed and gripped the edge of the bed. "You know what's funny D?" she asked me, licking her lips.

I moved to the edge of the bed next to her and put my hands in my lap. "What's that Jaz?" I asked cautiously, hoping to not upset her again.

She looked at me through her filmy green eyes. She'd been crying again I noted. "I didn't like Micheal at all," she said. "But even though I was very conscious of that, I thought 'well maybe you could make this work Jasmine, maybe you'll like him later.'" She got silent, and looked at the floor. I watched her cross, uncross, and re-cross her fingers. "I thought I could marry the dumb jock one day. Hoping that the feelings would come later. I imagined that when I _needed_ a place to run to, that it would be his." She faltered on the last word. Then she laughed. "Funny right?" she asked, looking back at me.

I was stunned by her last few words, and even more so by her actions in correlation with those words. "What's all this about leaving Jaz?" I asked, temporarily ignoring her thoughts.

Her shoulders slumped and her mouth turned into a frown. "Mom's getting married," she mumbled, clearly unhappy with it. Immediately I knew the problem with that. I knew Jaz's problem with her mom's boyfriend. I've even seen it for myself. He wasn't exactly the step-dad you hoped to have. Actually he wasn't at all step-dad material. "Oh," I whispered.

"It's terrible D!" she yelled. I opted to let her rant before I interjected again. "He's the hugest perv. You've seen it! He's grimy and she didn't even ask me," she said, choking over the obvious problem she _really_ had with it all. The fact that she was excluded. "It affects me just as much D," she whispered, a single tear rolling down her cheek.

I put my arm around her shoulders and felt her shiver. I wanted to ask her how her heart was but I figured I'd know if it was out of control. I didn't want her to get distracted. It wasn't fair.

She looked at me, waiting. I was at a loss. I couldn't tell her that her mom was a horrible person. She wasn't. Sure she had a lapse but I couldn't agree and allow her to hate her mom. Besides I knew she was just venting. Instead I squeezed her shoulders. I decided to address what she'd said about Micheal before. "Jazzy," I started. "You can't ever just _hope_ love will come for you. That's settling."

Her eyebrows came together in confusion, and then smoothed out when she realized what I was talking about.

"Jaz. My house always has been and always _will_ be open to you. You don't have to pretend to like someone so you had a place to run. Jazzy. I will always love you. Sure I can't marry you and provide for you, and be everything we have ever dreamed of in a man. But Jasmine I can always love you. We're not restricted to anything. Our love doesn't ever have to end," I breathed. I wasn't sure, but I was pretty sure I had whispered everything to her. I suddenly felt stupid. I cleared my throat. "_I_ won't ever hurt you Jasmine. I promise you that."

She leaned into me and breathed out. I could feel her tears on my shirt. Warm and salty. I wrapped both arms easily around her and laid my cheek on her head. Tears now streaming down my cheek as well. We silently cried together. Both saying nothing.

Finally it was her who broke the silence. Tears affecting her voice she whispered: "I love you too D. Thank you," she breathed. It sounded like she'd let all the breath in her lungs out with those last two words.

"We'll stay at my house," I told her, wiping away my tears with the collar of my shirt. "For as long as you need."

She sat up and wiped away her tears. She looked up at me, squinting. Like she'd just woken up in a bright room. "Ok." She got up and poured everything out of her bag and repacked it carefully. Paying attention to what she put in this time. I excused myself and left her to think.

I washed my face in her bathroom. Looking at myself in the mirror I began to feel pathetic. I sat on the toilet holding my phone in my hand, trying to find the words to tell Tom. None seemed right.

Finally,

Hey babe, can you come over later?

To Jaz's house?

I could feel the doubt in his voice.

No mine, were stayin there tonight. Long story.

I was too drained to go over everything that had happened, but I knew I needed him tonight. I really wanted him to comfort me and all my insecurities.

Ok yea babe. I'll be there. But is she ok with that?

I stopped. I didn't think of that. But thing was, I wasn't sure I was really in the mood to ask her and have her tell me that she wasn't up for it. He was there to see me anyway.

God! I sound so conceited!

… I didn't ask. Maybe you should just come when she's asleep.

It was a compromise. Oddly enough the thought that I'd be in his arms soon enough made me calm down enough and put a modest smile on.

ok Lemme kno. Everything ok?

It is now. :) I'll see you later hon.

k. Love you.

love you 2!

When I got back to the room Jaz was laying on her bed, face towards the ceiling and eyes closed. I stepped lightly wondering if she was asleep again. She answered my question herself. "You ever think about your dad D?" she asked.

I sat next to her lightly, she was thinking. I sighed, "Yeah, occasionally I suppose." I again found myself thinking about how much I missed my father. Was it really that long ago that I had thought about missing him?

I chewed the inside of my cheek. "Do you?" she questioned.

I nodded my head, vaguely aware that she didn't see it. She pulled me into her thinking trance and I was occupied with thinking about my father.

It'd been forever since I've seen him. Mom goes once a month to visit him, while I watch Jamaal. She didn't want him in a place like that. She wanted his first image of his father to be a good one. And I didn't really have to babysit him but I couldn't see my father in a place like that. It would kill me.

"How come?" she asked, assuming I'd answered.

I lie next to her and put my hands behind my head. I squinted up at the ceiling, trying to make shapes out of the nothingness that was there. Again I sighed. "Well I guess I really think about him when I get around to realizing that there are things in my future that I'd want a father to be there."

She tilted her chin up more, thinking. "Like what?" she asked.

I was ready for this question. "Graduation or my wedding. You know times your father is supposed to give you away," I told her.

I rolled over on my side and looked at her. Her eyes were still closed and her heart rate slow. She was calm, just thoughtful. "Where's this coming from Jaz?" I asked.

She sat up and looked straight at me. The movement was so quick it stopped my heart for a quick second. I looked into her eyes seeing pain. It was really her eyes that answered me before any words were even used.

"I think about him a lot," she said. "_My _dad I mean. Especially lately."

I was a little uncomfortable about where this could possibly go but I took the bait anyways. I was curious to know what was going on in her head. I was curious where this was going. "Why lately?"

"Just everything. I need a dad to tell me all guys are pigs. Someone to tell me I'm beautiful. That I'm his little girl. Someone to love my mom and be there for me when I need him," she whispered.

I looked at my friend. A single, glistening tear rolled down her cheeks. I wrapped my arms around her. "I hear ya hon," I whispered to her. I _did_ understand what she was saying. It was something every girl wanted and _needed_ a father for. Some of the same reasons I miss my own dad.

I was uncomfortable and ready to go. I let her go and rubbed her arm while she dried her eyes. "You ready to go?" I asked her, encouragement in my voice.

"Yeah, I'm ready," she said. "I… just have to find my phone," she said scratching her head and looking around.

I laughed. "Alright. I'm going to take your stuff out to the car then maybe catch the game? Order a pizza? Talk to someone in Hong Kong? That should give you enough time right?" I laughed, making fun of her.

She threw a pillow at me. "Yeah yeah!" she giggled, looking under her dresser now.

I grabbed her bag and ran it out to my car. I figured I could drive her around for a while. If she wanted her car she'd let me know and we would come and get it. I have to give her some reason to come back. She can't avoid forever.

When I got back in Jaz wasn't waiting for me, which meant she hadn't found her phone yet. I plopped down on the couch and watched whatever it was that was on.

"Is she alright?"

I looked around for who it was who asked the question. It was Michelle. She stood, so unsurely, in the corner of the living room. I sat up straight.

"Yeah, she'll be ok," I told her. I watched her breath out. She sat down across from me. "She's right you know," I told her, feeling like voicing my opinion on the matter. It's not like things could get worse than the mess they already were. "It's just as much her business as it is yours. It affects her just as much."

"D…" she sighed. "You're just a kid. I don't think you- "

I cut her off. "Don't give me that Michelle. I know enough to know that it still wasn't right. Your right I've never been married and I don't have a daughter to account for."

"Thank god," she murmured.

"Yeah, but I know enough to account for everybody my choices affect. Look Michelle. Think about what this is. Think about how bad the timing is. It's not like Kyle was there to help her when the whole thing with… Michael happened," I told her. I had to be honest with Jasmine's mom.

"You don't get to judge me Danielle," she whispered, barely audible.

"Think about it Michelle. You have to share your bed with someone. Jaz has to get used to a new dad."

"A new dad?" she asked, not really understanding.

I stopped, thinking that really wasn't the right thing to say. Just in the nick of time Jasmine came out of her room. "I found it!" she yelled down the hallway at me. I waved at her from the living room and she joined me, avoiding all eye contact with her mom.

I got up. "It was underneath my stupid mattress," she said showing me her phone. I laughed.

"Cool! You ready to go?" I asked her, pretending the conversation with her mom hadn't even happened. Pretending I was on her side.

She turned to leave and I followed her.

Her mom never followed us to the door or moved from the spot. But the last words she whispered I had to strain to hear.

"Take care of my daughter Danielle. Remind her I love her please," she pleaded, the sound of tears in her voice.

I closed the door behind me and hesitated for just a second. I wanted to tell Jasmine to march her butt right back in there and apologize to her mom and to work it out. But Jasmine had every right. Michelle was in the wrong.

As I walked to the car though, her last words rang in my ears.

'_Remind her I love her…'_

Tears welled at my eyes and I stopped them before they could break the surface. I got into the driver's seat and started the car.

"You ok D?" Jaz asked as I backed out of her driveway.

"Yeah. Perfect." I lied, placing a smile on my face and driving my best friend further and further away from her own mom.

__________________

I lay down next to my best friend. Her breathing had slowed down. I assumed she was out.

"Jaz?" I whispered, just checking.

There was no answer. I slowly got up and put on some slippers. I looked over and her sleeping soundly. I was surprised she was asleep already. With the way she'd been sleeping lately I assumed it'd be a long time before she was out. I looked at her now, rolled into a tight ball, hoping she'd sleep well tonight.

She shivered. I smiled shyly at her, fully aware that she didn't see it. I _really_ did love her. I spotted my favorite, warm blanket and picked it up from the chair in corner. I pulled it over her body so she would be warm. Again I smiled. It looked like a mother daughter scene. Playing right into it I bent down and kissed her forehead.

She sighed in her sleep and rolled over. I grabbed my phone and charger and slipped out the door, closing it quietly behind me.

I listened to the silent house and sighed. It was just me and Jaz for a while. My mom had left for a business trip this morning and dropped Jamaal off at my aunt's for the week and a half that she would be gone. I was free of babysitting duty and practically free of being responsible.

I laid out on the couch and texted Tom.

She's out now babe. Can't wait to see you.

I really did need to see him tonight, and my heart sped up with anxiety.

On my way now. Be there soon honey.

Good. see you soon.

I sighed and turned on the TV. I muted it and stretched out on my back. I looked up at the popcorn ceiling, seeing pictures woven into the texture of it. Kind of like pulling something out of nothing.

I thought about the years that Tom and I have been together. In the beginning we were magic. We worked so well together. It was like we had already known each other. It's not that _that_ has changed. Just that it has ceased to amaze me. It's just a part of life now. We're still the same as we have always been, just older and wiser now.

It made me laugh when I remembered all the stupid things we've gotten in to. All the stupid fights, the stupid mistakes, the stupid worries I'd had. I grinned at myself. The two of us had been through so much.

Just a year ago we had a talk about our sex lives. Telling each other that we were virgins. We'd never even _thought_ about sex until much later in our relationship. It was more or less the pressure of high school that started us talking about it. We felt so young and so inexperienced. The thought of holding each other that way frightened us both. Then when the day came it turned out to be like everything was with us.

Perfect.

It was natural for us. I'm sure if it were anyone else it would be almost to awkward to bare. But with tom, it felt right. Then I remembered the scares we'd had after we became sexually active. God! Every teen's worst nightmare is when they come to realization that they actually _are_ sexually active and they can no longer lie to themselves about it. When we'd reached this realization we got more and more careful and with that more and more scared. You never know when you're going to mess up.

_Of course_ we were careful and smart but four months later I became very paranoid. Just worrying over nothing. For a week I silently freaked out. Afraid that somewhere we'd messed up. Afraid that I was pregnant. Finally I told Tom and together we shared the worry. He wanted to buy a pregnancy test but I was too paranoid to just hope one of those pee-on sticks was right. I wanted to be for sure so I made him take me to the gynecologist.

It was our luck when the results came back and I wasn't, but we didn't risk anything after that. I got birth control and we had a long talk about what we would do. In the end I only loved and admired him more.

I really did get put with the most amazing man on earth. I felt so lucky to know he was mine. To know that through the last two years he was there and that'll he'll be there as long as I need him. It felt too great to know that whenever I needed it he would be right there to hold me and tell me it was ok.

Again I grinned to myself.

How did I cross paths with the most beautiful man in the world? How did I manage to keep him? How did _I _get so lucky?

**Tom**

I pulled into D's driveway and shut off my jeep. I looked in the windows seeing nothing but the lights and the drapes. Getting out of my car and running my fingers through what little hair I had I, felt nervous. I was worried about what it was that was eating at her.

I didn't even stop to knock on the door; I just composed my face and walked right in. She was lying on the couch with her eyes closed. I stopped short.

"Hey you," she whispered to me.

I closed the door behind me and hung up my jacket. "Hey honey," I whispered back.

She opened her eyes and looked up at me. She smiled a warm smile and sat up. "Come sit with me," she said patting the couch next to her.

I walked over to her side and sat next to her.

She laid her head on my chest and very lightly pushed me back. Realizing what she was doing I swung my legs up and laid all the way back on the couch. She adjusted herself so she was lying fully on my stomach. "I missed you," she sighed.

I ran my fingers up and down her spine. "I missed you too," I whispered, kissing her hair.

I could feel her breath warm on my chest and her gentle fingers as she traced the words on my shirt. We were silent for a long time. Both of us saying nothing. And I didn't prompt her. She would talk when she was ready. Instead I listened to the sound of her breathing, how quiet and slow it was. She was at peace.

Even if she said nothing for the rest of the night I was just glad that I was here to calm her down.

Then she spoke:

"It hurts you know?" she mumbled into my shirt.

I squinted up at the ceiling. "What hurts?" I asked, hoping that she didn't mean that I was hurting her.

She sighed, "Seeing my best friend hurt the way she does."

I nodded. "Oh," I whispered. I wasn't sure what to say. I waited for her to continue.

"She's broken Tommy. Not like Barbie doll lost her head broken, but like her whole emotional status. Her whole life, her whole being, her heart. They're broken," she choked out. "I _always_ know what to do. I'm always supposed to know what to say. To tell her it's ok. But I don't know this time. I'm helpless. And what's worse is that because I'm clueless I'm watching my best friend suffer."

I felt my shirt getting wet. I wrapped my arms tighter around her. "Sh-h," I whispered. "I know babe. I know it hurts. I imagine it feels a lot like how it feels when your hurt and I see it. And that hurts like hell," I told her, stroking her back. "I don't know what to do though baby. I suppose I can only promise like I'm sure you do for her."

She sobbed more now, my shirt getting wetter and wetter. I waited for her to calm down. Slowly but surely the sobbing slowed and finally she sat up. Looking at me now she whispered, "What do you mean?" she asked.

I looked up into her eyes. "It's what we all do when we don't have answers. We make promises. I've got nothing so I'll make you some promises."

She laid back on me. "You don't have to do that," she sighed.

"No I'm going to. I promise to love you and be here for you as long as you need me too. D I will do anything for you. You're my queen after all."

Warm tears hit my shirt again. "I promise to love you too," she whispered. "Can I ask you do something for me tonight?" she asked.

I was curious. "Of course you can," I told her.

"Stay with me tonight? Please don't leave me," she whispered so low I had to strain to hear her.

"I won't leave you tonight Danielle I promised. I won't ever leave you."

And I meant it. I would stay with D as long as she needed me.

It was the first, but not the last night, I got to hold her in my arms all night.

**Jasmine**

I woke up this morning, for the third time this weekend, alone. I looked around, again, just to see if maybe she wasn't in my line of vision.

She wasn't there.

Sighing I threw myself back on the bed. "Ugh," I whispered to myself. I got up and stretched. I was awake and there was no going back to sleep and hoping she'd be there when I woke up. I pulled on a jacket over my tank tops and ran my fingers through my hair. I didn't want to look a complete mess even though I just woke up.

I suddenly felt an urge to pee and took off quickly from D's room. Then I caught something out of the corner of my eye and backtracked. I got closer to the back of the couch and saw the top of D's head, and right underneath her was Tom. For the third time this week I cursed under my breath. For the third this week she woke up and looked straight up at me with innocent eyes.

"Morning," she whispered in her hoarse morning voice.

I smiled a small smile at her. It always felt like the roles got switched when I find them like this. Like I was the one babysitting her. Making sure she was ok. When in reality, once Tom left, she would be right back to watching me with increased intensity, ready to catch my tears with a bucket at any second. It got kind of annoying actually.

"You guys fell asleep on the couch again," I told her softly.

"Oh!" she blushed, totally unaware. "I'm sorry," she said sentimentally, more so with her eyes. I looked into them and stopped. How could I be mad at her when she looked at me like that? Kind of like the lost puppy look. Only it was on my best friend so it was stronger.

She peeled herself off Tom very lightly, so she wouldn't wake him up, then stood up and looked at me. She smiled sheepishly. "Man I have to pee!" she said laughing. She stretched than hurried to the bathroom. I watched after her for a minute before I broke out of my trance. I looked down at Tom who was dead asleep. I sighed again and rerouted myself to the kitchen. Completely forgetting that I to had to pee. I got a glass of orange juice and went to sit in the living room.

Tom was still asleep when I plopped down in an arm chair. I turned the TV on just to make it look like I was doing something. I took a small sip of my pulpy orange juice and set it on the side table next to me. I peeked over at Tom, yet again, still sleeping soundly. I wondered if he would wake up if I threw a pillow at him. I heard the toilet flush and immediately regretted that last thought.

I pulled my knees to my chest and stuck my head between my knees. My head hurt, again. A wave of sharp pain hit my temples as I struggled to keep the tears and pain inside. I was tired of imposing on Danielle. I was tired of watching her suffer with me. I assume that's why Tom's been here so often.

I looked up and saw Tom looking at me. I raised an eyebrow. "Good morning?" I said, not meaning for it to come out like a question.

He mirrored my expression. Raising his own eyebrows. "Morning," he said, cocking his head to one side.

I nodded my head and got up to leave.

"Hey Jaz," he said confidently, standing now.

I looked back on him. Letting the curiosity, mixed with my anger, play on my face. He shuffled slightly closer to me, acting unsure and uncomfortable. I had the vague feeling that he was going to say something I didn't want to hear. "Yeah?" I asked, trying to look strong.

We both swallowed uncomfortably, he looked away. "I- I uh," he trailed. Again I raised an eyebrow. He looked back at me. "I need you to do me a favor," he started, confident now.

I smoothed my face. "Yeah?" I asked again. I waited for him to tell me what he needed me to do, wondering when I had to start sharing my friend. It seemed like I could live through everything that has happened to me, or us, but I couldn't live through losing my best friend. I could share, but I couldn't bare _losing_ her.

He opened his mouth, I waited. "I- You don't have to worry about Micheal anymore. I took care of him for you," he said.

I clenched my jaw. "I'm aware," I said through my teeth. "Thank you so much. And the favor is?" I asked, becoming increasingly impatient.

"Just uh… Just don't worry so much ok? I know it's hard and I just want you to know we're all here for you. Here to help. But, you're killing D hurting so much. I just wanted to let you know that I love you like a sister because I love her so much," he said motioning to the bathroom. "I just don't want to see her hurt. Or you for that matter. So it's ok. You're a strong girl. I know you're ready to get over this," he said reaching his hand out to me in a comforting gesture.

I looked down at his hand then back up with him, fury burning my pupils. He took it back. "Well when you put it that way. I'll just suck it up and move on to the next problem. I'm so sorry to inconvenience you," I said, looking at him hatefully.

"I'm just trying to help Jasmine," he said, his anger rising as well.

"I'm so sure."

He looked back at me with anger in his eyes as well. Danielle came out then, seeing the stare down between the two people she loved the most. "Hey guys! Morning babe," she said, hurrying over to us.

He washed the look off his face and turned to her. "Hey honey," he said happily.

I looked between the two of them, disgust washing over me.

"What's going on?" she asked, looking around Tom at me.

"Nothing," I said a little more angrily than I meant. I ignored her string of questions playing on her lips and turned to her room. "I'm going to change," I said harshly over my shoulder.

Slamming the door behind me I felt like screaming. I felt my anger rising as I paced her room. First, she leaves me alone, for the THIRD time this week, for Tom. Ok, that's all right, it's not too bad. Second, she runs to him to fix her problems for her. Her problems about me! He had the nerve to tell me, scratch that, to ask me to feel better. Like it's an emotion I can turn on and off!

I looked at my bag of dirty clothes. Trying to find an excuse to leave this house. To get some fresh air. To get away from the two _love-birds_ in the next room. I ripped my clothes off and changed into jeans and white long-sleeved t-shirt, I put on a brown vest and put my phone and D's car keys into the pockets. I quickly put my clothes into my over-night bag and threw the bag over my shoulder.

I had no intentions of going back home, but I _did_ have every intention of getting out of this house. I put on my chucks and turned the doorknob. I took a deep breath, and tried to compose my looks and heart before I opened the door. I reminded myself to remain calm and opened the door.

"Hey Jaz," D said immediately. She quickly stood up off Tom's lap. She spied my bag. "Where ya going?" she asked, confused.

I thought through my words before I spoke them to keep from saying the wrong thing. "I uh- I just need some fresh air. I thought I'd give you guys the day to yourselves anyway," I said nodding in Tom's general direction without looking at him. Trying to keep from evoking hateful thoughts and bringing back my bad mood. "Is it cool if I take your car for a while? I'll fill it right back up," I told her, pulling her keys out of my pocket.

She blinked. "Of course Jaz. Don't even worry about it. Take it as long as you need it," she told me, trying to dissect the look on my face. "You alright?" she asked.

I nodded absentmindedly. "Yeah, great," I said, putting a small smile on my face. "I'll be back towards the end of the day. You guys have fun!" I said leaving her in the doorway.

I felt bad for just taking off like this but I was hurt. For one I was sure that I could not go home. For two I was completely angry with both my best friend and her boyfriend. Which just added them to the number of people on my list. For three, I loved almost everyone I was angry with but I was unsure how to deal with the pain they brought on. And finally, I knew deep down that Tom was right. I was going to have to let go eventually. Let go and let live. I was going to _have_ to get over it.

And that part I hated the most.


End file.
